My employer at the time could not have been more accommodating. Because of Ben’s fragile condition, I was immediately granted eight weeks of maternity leave as opposed to the standard six for mothers who do not undergo a c-section. And I needed every extra minute. My sole purpose in life for those seven weeks after we brought Ben home was to make sure he ate enough to keep him alive. That meant every two hours it was back to the rocker with the dropper of formula. For the first four weeks my life literally consisted of feeding Ben and sleeping when I could. I can remember many times being so tired while trying to feed him in the middle of the night, that I would just sit crying and watching whatever was on TV; very bad old movies or QVC (remember this was 22 years ago; long before satellite TV).
During those first few months going places with Ben was very easy. Because of his low muscle tone we were able to swaddle him just like a papoose
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. He actually fit perfectly between Dennis’ hand the bend in his arm. He used to carry him around like a football. The thought of doing that with my other two boys was unheard of. Their little legs would not have stayed still long enough to get them wrapped up.
Finally after about a month, Ben began to become much more alert and he actually started to enjoy eating. Unfortunately, about the time he was starting to become “fun” it was time for me to go back to work. I was overcome with both exhaustion and guilt. There were so many times during those first few years that I felt like I was on the verge of a total break-down. This definitely was one of them.
We were very fortunate that some friends who lived not far from us, had just decided to hire a nanny to care for their children at the house; and asked us to share the cost. That was such a relief, because typical daycare centers were not inclined to take on “special cases”, and Dennis and I could not begin to afford one of the specialty daycare centers. Since our friends lived in the same area, Ben was close to all of our doctors and therapists, so it was relatively easy to get him to and from his appointments.
Now it was time to start looking for more answers. The results from the MRI told part of the story, but we were very anxious to not only find out why this happened, but more importantly; what was Ben’s prognosis.
Dennis carrying Ben like a football.
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