The Great Daycare Challenge


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As summer approached our daycare situation suddenly became the focus of most of my attention. The friends with whom we had shared a nanny for the last year and one half found themselves expecting their third child and it was time for Mom to stay at home. I was very happy for them and thought that maybe a center based environment might be a good change for Ben as he would be able to associate with more children his own age. This would be my first experience with just one of the many barriers we faced because some in the general population are either unaccepting of or unprepared to handle the disabled …..or maybe a little of both. I know things have changed a great deal for the better in the last twenty years, but looking back it all still annoys me.

I started the process by going to every resource I knew to get a list of the best daycare centers in the area. I realized that because of Ben’s challenges we needed to be very selective in our choice. Each facility was ranked based upon three factors; convenience, affordability, and quality rating. Once I had my list, I began to visit each. I can’t remember exactly how many places I visited but each visit ended in one of two results. Either the center flat-out refused to take Ben, or they would “do me a favor” and take him but the price would be much more because of the expected extra attention Ben would need. I was appalled; first at myself for being naïve enough to think that one of these places would be right for my son, and next at society for being so ill-equipped to handle someone who is a little different.

If I had it to do over again there is no question in my mind that this would have been a turning point in the life of my family that most certainly would have changed where we are today. This was a time early enough in both our careers that Dennis and I could have made the changes necessary that would have allowed me to stay at home with Ben. To
this day I regret that we did not do that. You must understand though, that I came of age in the 1980’s. This was a time when women were being told they could do it all and have it all. We were the superior gender and time spent with our kids was all about quality, not quantity. As a teenager I listened to Helen Reddy bellowing “I am Woman hear me Roar”. Yeah……Right

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As my search continued and became more desperate I began to interview people who took care of children in their homes, as Dennis and I still could not afford to hire our own nanny. Most either did not impress me or showed hesitancy about taking a child with special needs. However, I did finally find a young woman named Patricia Snow who connected with Ben the minute we walked into her home. The best part was; she lived just a few miles from our house. Patricia was truly a blessing for those months that she so lovingly cared for our son.

Ben with Patricia and one of his playmates.


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